Renewal

Mark 10:45-49: Now they came to Jericho. As He went out of Jericho with His disciples and a great multitude blind Bartimaeus, the son of Timaeus, sat by the road begging. And when he heard that it was Jesus of Nazareth, he began to cry out and say, "Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!" then many warned him to be quiet; but he cried out all the more, "Son of David, have mercy on me!" So Jesus stood still and commanded him to be called. Then they called the blind man,saying to him, "Be of good cheer. Rise, He is calling you." And throwing aside his garment, he rose and came to Jesus.

   Is there a finality of lost opportunity?  Can we miss the "one important thing" that we've been placed on this earth to accomplish?  Can misfortune, age or loss of physical strength rule the day and prevent us from having the daily sense of purpose and "calling"?  Will the impurity of a prior life's decisions lock us into a failure from which we can never hope to escape?

   Today as I was reading this passage, I was quickened with a great surge of hope.  Poor Bartimaeus!  He was blind. But his hope lay in the fact that he knew he was blind.  He sat by the road, outside of the city of Jericho.  This was that same city which in years past, had experienced the collapse of its walls when worshipping men of faith, in obedience, walked around the city. As they blew the trumpets, God said, "Enough!" and with His mighty finger, He pushed over its walls of protection. 

   Now, years later, blind Bartimaeus, the son of Timaeus, sat on the dustry road outside the city and knew he needed help.  The city may have been rebuilt, but Bartimaeus sat in the area of the city's brokenness, for he himself was broken and incomplete.

   Was it an accident that Jesus just happened to pass by on that day?  Was it an accident that Bartimaeus just happened to be sitting in the right spot to hear the good news?  No.  There are no accidents where Jesus is concerned.  Even though He was surrounded by activity and the din of voices, Jesus heard him cry out for help.  Bartimaeus was warned to stop making a spectacle of himself.  Isn't it sad how other people do not want anyone else to draw attention to themselves.  People want to see a sensation, but people do not want to BE a sensation.  And especially, people do not want someone next to them to be a sensation!

   But Jesus heard the call.  And He stopped.  And He commanded that Bartimaeus be brought to Him.  Jesus' commands will always override the limitations of the naysayers around us.

   Now the excitement really began!  Suddenly the discouragers became supporters!  And they told Bartimaeus, "Be of good cheer!  Get up!  He's calling for you!"

   Isn't it wonderful that Jesus will notice us as we sit in the dust knowing our weakness and yet longing for deliverance?  In this passage, Bartimaeus, is not just Bartimaeus.  He is listed as the son of Timaeus.  In other words, Jesus was even aware of the blind man's pedigree.  He not only knows our name, He also knows our lineage.  He knows all about us.  He has come to help and to set us free!

   What was the result?  Bartimaeus leaped to his feet and threw off his garment and ran to the One who would help him.  We, too, can leap to our feet, throw off the weight of sin which so easily wants to slip itself onto our shoulders and run to Him for help.  He will gladly set us free from our blindnes and make us useful for Himself.  He will give us purpose as He cleanses us from the dust of the streets of life.

Hallelujah!  Set me free, LORD Jesus!

Victoria  

Adventure

My sister-in-law and I pray once a week over the phone for our family. We've done this for a number of years now. We've prayed for the extended family by going through a printed family tree. We've prayed for and continue to pray for our children. And now, this year, we are praying for all those who have married into our family and for their extended families. This includes a LOT of people whom we will never even know. It is exciting to think that as the Lord leads us in these prayer times that He will be working in the lives of these unknown people (to us) and blessing them and revealing Himself to them.

Prayer is such adventure! When I open up my Bible to read and then to pray, I am never quite certain what direction that prayer time will take. I am usually surprised and always greatly stimulated by the process. It is a fascinating experience to be aware of how the Holy Spirit will take what I'm reading in several different sources, take what I've read in the Bible, take my snippets of conversations with others and then meld it all together to bring forth revelation and insight which results in fodder for prayer.

I received a new book today Payne Hollow Journal by Harlan Hubbard and came to a paragraph in the introduction (p. xiii) which says of Harlan Hubbard's wife:

"Always their work was their pleasure. Anna gave praise to 'precious daylight
hours,' for they gave her light to work by. She was an elegant woman, tall,
fair, feminine, and beautiful. She moved through her days with an effortless
grace. In a corner of the Hubbards' small house was a grand piano Anna played in
the evenings with the skill and measured passion of an accompished musician,
which she was."

Earlier in the day I had been completing my reading in Revelation and came to Revelation 19:7 (Amplified) which says:

Let us rejoice--and shout for joy--exulting and triumphant! Let us celebrate and
ascribe to Him glory and honor, for the marriage of the Lamb [at last] has come
and His bride has prepared herself. (Emphasis is mine.)

C.S. Lewis in Perelandra, the second in his science fiction trilogy, writes about the green Lady, who is a type of Eve in the newly forming planet of Perelandra. He ably conveys her as noble, queenly and yet as one who speaks to and hears from the Creator, "Maleldil". She and Ransom are speaking about Ransom's home planet:

"But that other world was older than yours," she said.
"How do you know that?" asked Ransom in amazement.
"Maleldil is telling me," answered the woman...."

These 3 segments quoted above encouraged me greatly. In the quote from Hubbard's book, his wife is spoken of as an accomplished musician. Embedded in her accomplishment is the trained discipline for being measured in her passion. She doesn't just dump a lot of notes together in her playing. There is a time and place for each note, and she recognizes when that is. In her work, she takes pleasure in what she does and she works while it is day. Jesus warned us in John 9:4 to work while it is day because the night is coming when no one can work.



The passage in Revelation spoke to me about the need to allow myself to be prepared by the LORD for His return. This verse says that the Church prepares herself. Therefore, the Church is actively participating in her preparatory process by submitting to what the Lord Jesus would train her in doing. I thought of the book of Esther and how Esther went through months of preparation before she was brought before the king.



Then in the quotation from Perelandra, I was encouraged by the words "Maleldil told me." to be a more diligent listener to the Holy Spirit. As I listen better, I will be enabled to move in grace, discipline, understanding, greater appreciation for the work that I am doing and have the ability to hear His Voice ever more clearer and clearer.

These things became part of my personal prayer time today.

Retreating Years

December was an interesting month! Along with the normal busyness of the season, the influenza bug grabbed me by the teeth and wouldn't let go. I lost precious time which I'd allotted to finishing up Christmas gifts and instead of making things, I lolled in bed. My recovery was slow, but I did put my weak days into profitable use by listening to an audio book and reading snippets from other valuable sources. I can't wait to share what I've gained from that enforced time of quietness! It was tremendous!! I wonder if my heightened biological sensitivity also helped sensitize me spiritually? It's an interesting idea...

The book I listened to was Jan Karon's A New Song. I have a printed copy - and I think I'd even read it once. But to listen to it as I laid on the sofa, unable to do anything else, was just amazing. When I read, I buzz through the pages pretty fast and I pass over descriptive language too quickly. I don't take time to drink in the nuance of ideas. Listening to the story read to me was a a rich experience in hearing dialogue, mentally imaging situations and altogether just drinking in the story itself! I was pleased with the breadth of Jan Karon's insights and quotations and her ability to juxtapose. She skillfully entwines ordinary people with extraordinary kindness and generosity. She melds together humor and pathos. And there is always an underlying current of victory even when she brings out the sorrows of life. I find her quotations to be very inspiring and fitting.

Another book that deeply affected me is a small volume I happened to pick up at The Book Mouse in Ottawa when I went to a drama workshop held by my friend, Donna. The book, Meditations on Nature, Meditations on Silence is by Roderick MacIver and Ann O'Shaughnessy. Rod MacIver's artwork is beautiful and fitting as the images blend with the quotations. I found the quotes of various writers and artists to be invigorating and inspiring as they reflect on the need and value of quietness in the creative process. The book is published by Heron Dance, a nonprofit organization with a big idea. I am hoping that I can get permission from Rod MacIver to post a few of his watercolors and I'll continue to reflect on the quotes from his books. I signed up for a weekly meditation that they'll send via email. The subscription process is available on the website linked above.

The picture that I posted today is one that I made in early December when I was beginning to watch my various videos of "The Christmas Carol". The video version done with George C. Scott has a funeral cortege that looks a lot like this as it rumbles past him while he walks home on a gloomy Christmas Eve. I was thinking when I made this picture how quickly the years pass by and what a spiral life seems to be.

The concept of life being a spiral came through one of my favorite podcats, Cast-On by Brenda Dayne. It's a knitting podcast, but Brenda does such a splendid job with her podcast that she infuses it with much more than knitting. I find her challenging and energizing. On her latest podcast (72), she talks about life being a spiral. I've heard of people saying that life is a circle. Or that life is a straight line. The spiral idea was a new concept to me, and I've been thinking about it ever since. In podcast 72, Brenda has a segment with Kim Werker, former editor of the Interweave's Crochet and founder of CrochetMe. In this podcast, Brenda interviews Kim who talks about her own creative process. It was fascinating! Kim talks about being "a starter". She is an idea person who comes up with thousands of ideas and loves to interact with other creative people. She gets bored once an idea is off the ground and is ready to move onto the next creative venture. I could really relate to what she said. Her insights encouraged me as I saw myself shadowed in her own form of creativity.

SOOOO - all this blather is about this: I feel like the Lord dropped into my heart at the first of the year the slogan "Refine in 2009". This "refining" process can take many different forms as I begin to refine my home by purging it of stuff that I no longer use. Or it could take the process of "refining" as I continue to seek excellence and quality in the steps that I take and the things that I make. Or it could take the process of "refining" as I allow the Lord to remove from me those things which inhibit His life in me: jealousy, fear, etc. etc.

I am going to continue pressing into these things in 2009 and I'm going to write about them on this blog. It will be my own personal way to press more deeply into the creative processes that I want and need to explore.

Thankful Hearts

Thanksgiving is rapidly approaching and I wonder what has happened to this year! I've been in a real slump lately not having an original idea to write about. Or, perhaps I should say that I've had ideas but they've not been strung together into a sensible train of thought.

I realized the other day that I can't write anything unless I am reading. When I read my own thoughts are stimulated and I am able to process ideas. One idea sparks another idea and so forth.

However, now I am going to bed and I will revise this posting because it's so lousy. But at least I've got something up on my page so that it doesn't look quite so dated!

Chicken Feed

It's time to get back to posting. Like these roosters, I've been pecking at the ground lately and feel like I've only come up with gravel. Unlike roosters, gravel is not necessarily good for my own crop. So, I am now determined to turn up something healthier!
But - I journaled my thoughts the other day and that helped. For some reason it helps when I put letters onto paper and make them into words. It is almost as if the words become a lariat which lassos mavarick thoughts around the neck and then drags them to the ground where I can tie them up and leave them.
The first thing that journaling did for me this week is that it took me back to something that I had written this summer and totally forgotten than I'd written! I wrote this during a prayer time when I felt the Lord speaking these words to me regarding quietness in certain stages of life. This is what I wrote:

Vicky, what do you think it takes to hear My Voice?
Doesn't it take this time of quiet - this time of "separation"? Isn't this what Jesus did when He separated Himself from the tumult of the crowd in order to withdraw and be alone with My Healing Presence?
As you refuse the voices which would tell you to be "busy", which would tell you that you are "doing nothing", the voices which would have you believe that you are "lazy" or "indolent", as you refuse these voices, and trust in My ability to lead your forward, then You will be strengthened for the work for which I am already using you. You do not fully realize just HOW I am using you because you would be undone if you knew it. Keep your eyes upon Me and trust the Word of truth that I am imparting to you every day, and draw upon My strength to obey. That is all you need to be concerned about. I will do the rest.
You are called and formed for certain duties and responsibilities. Those duties WILL be fulfilled through you because you have a willing heart for Me. Those responsibilities will also be fulfilled through you because you have a willing heart.

Do not be afraid of the quietness and silence of this time. It is for a purpose for which you are not apprised during these weeks. Yes--it is weeks. I have known the anxious thoughts which have flown into your heart when you've thought that you are slow to respond. These are the thoughts which have told you that you are a late bloomer. These are the disparaging thoughts that have told you that you are a slacker and a burden to your husband. I have known all these thoughts and My grace has protected you from the full effect of those lying words.
Press on to resist those lies--for they are lies. I am doing a deep deep work in your soul. It is a work that will lie so deep that nothing will shake it when the time of shaking is released. I have set you apart to be alone with Me. This will not be forever, but it is definately for this time. It is also a protracted time--so don't be afraid of allowing it to unfold in all its fullness. I will tell you when it is accomplished.
Am I not your Boss? Your good Boss always gives timely directions. And that is Me!

I love you and I will never turn My Face from you because you have CHOSEN to keep your face turned to Me and I have heard that cry and I have poured out My grace upon you that you might choose to obey. You are my choice servant. You are my silk purse. I have made you thus.

These words were on the last page in my Notebook Journal. That was terrific because I saw it again when I put in the new pages that I worked on the other day. I need to be reminded again and again of what I've already been given as I daily work to wrestle the mavericks.

My Journal - how do I do it? I have prayed about being an organized Annie for so long that I don't even recognize it if it happens! But this is what I've decided to do about my journaling process and I think it may just work - for me!
I have a Miquelrius journal that refuses to fall apart no matter how much abuse I give it. It comes in either gridded or plain paper and I bought a bunch from Barnes & Noble several years ago - enough to last me for a good long time. I draw, paint, glue, stamp and tape stuff into my Miquelrius until it bulges like an interesting fat person. I write everyday stuff in the Miquelrius - things I shouldn't forget to do, scriptures that I pray for myself and others, prayer requests, ideas that come to me while I'm reading. These are snippets and snapshots of my current place. I carry the Miquelrius with me whether I'm in the living room reading a book or in church listening to a sermon, or on the highway thinking thoughts.

When I'm feeling especially inspired, or needing to understand where my thoughts are taking me today, I take the thoughts I've gathered in Miquelrius and compile them at the computer and make beautiful journal pages using Paint Shop Pro and Art Explosion. I make pictures in Paint Shop Pro but then I take the pictures into Art Explosion and make them into journal pages. I also used purchased images from online scrapbook shops. I print off these pages onto matte photo paper (a real luxury so that I can get the print quality) and then put them into page protectors and insert them into a 3 ring binder. The newest pages go in the front.

It gives me a great sense of accomplishment to take discordant ideas and lash them down into columns with images and color surrounding them. It soothes me with a sense of order - an order over which I have control rather than feeling, once again, like I am being controlled. I also feel like I am actually writing a book for my own enjoyment. And that feels great!

Now, what do I think is happening with this blog? Am I becoming more transparent as I've been posting over the past few months? Am I more willing to take a risk and tell it like I'm seeing it even if someone else reads this and can't understand a thing I've written? OR, even if no one else ever reads it!! I hope so. I hope so. I hope that as I emerge out of this gravelly learning process that finally the casing is being slit away and I am going to come out of hiding.
Artwork in Header by Debbie Mumm; Header tut by Carol's Creations; Tatted Lace in Header by Gamock's Creations; Scraps in header by Irene Alexeeva; Butterfly at bottom of posting by Weeds & Wildlfowers

Dancing Heart

Ol is a new friend from Australia and is in one of my graphic sharing groups. She made this beautiful header for one of her stationeries today and graciously gave me permission to use it. When I saw Ol's artwork, I remembered a book that I bought for Amanda years ago titled "My Mama Had A Dancing Heart" by Libba Moore Gray and illustrated by Raul Colon. Actually, I bought the book for Amanda, but I still have it because I love the story and am captivated by the illustration work which makes me reluctant to give it up just yet. Here is a link so you can see the cover illustration.

The story is a word dance as it unfolds the choreograph of how one mother passed along to her daughter the ability to maintain wonderment and find joy in life. Now, that having been said, it should be no mystery to you as to why I love this book so much, since on several posts I've been blathering on about "wonder", "excellence", "joy" and "thankfulness".

I'm firmly convinced that "wonder" is a concept which is easily lost somewhere along the trail of life. It is stolen from us by the bandits Bad Experience, Loss Of Hope and Unachieved Dreams. There was an unforgettable day when I held my infant daughter, Frances, and looked into her 4 month old eyes. For years I had heard the expression about the innocence of children, but I honestly had never seen it until Franny and I looked at each other iris to iris. I saw innocence in the depth of those eyes like I'd never seen it before. I saw wonderment. And Frances drew me into a new place with her; it is now a haven that I will never leave. I guess I was just too busy or had too many expectations to see it in the eyes of my own children. But now in my quest for wonderment, I am determined to claim a daily nugget, drop it into my pouch and draw the heart strings closed. Those bits of stored gold can never be taken from me - no matter what happens because I am not letting go of this quest.

Recently I edited a paper for another friend who is taking a Master's education class. It was a paper about determining ways for "self care" while in the ministry of hospital chaplain. She had done a fine job of writing the paper, but I wrote back and suggested that although she'd done well in stating the problem, the solution was too general. She wrote in her paper that she was going to journal as a means for understanding her needs. However, I can't see this friend finding much satisfaction in the journaling process.

Amy is a wonderfully disciplined and perfectionistic person. She said that she pushes herself and is too harsh with herself while, at the same time, she is very compassionate with others. And these things are true of her. But I wrote back and recommended that she not be too upset if she finds that journaling is not a good means for her to relax and understand her stresses. Instead I suggested these things as means for rewewing her own sense of wonder:

*To take one week and look for the perfect vase for her desk. She can shop anywhere she wants but the vase must be very pleasing to her. It is to be a very fun process.
*After she's found the vase and placed it on her desk, then each day for 2 weeks she can go to the florist shop in the hospital or the grocery store and buy one flower that she finds especially beautiful. Then she's to take that flower to her office, throw away the flower from the day before and replace it with the one. This is to symbolize that she is finding freshness and beauty in each day.
*She can go on a scavenger hunt all by herself and look for something unusual - something in nature that is normally overlooked. It could be a single feather. It could be a clover. It could be a uniquely shaped rock. Then when she finds that object to ask the Lord for a story about that object. She can use her imagination and simply play with the idea. Let the story grow in her mind.
*She can put up a bulletin board or poster board on her apartment wall and each day attach some small object of significance from that day. As her objects grow in number, a story of her life will begin to unfold because she has begun to allow herself to dream.

This may all sound silly, and she may not even understand the purpose for the individual components of this quest, but I firmly believe that - for all of us - freshness comes when we take time to examine the little things.

Should you want to contact Olwyn, you may leave a comment on my blog, with your email address, and I will forward it to her.

Delay Tactics

Boy - I'm certainly awash today! Not enough sleep - too much stirring in my brain - and a lack of energy for bringing about anything that I'm thinking about. I wish that I could give orders and have someone else work on projects that I would dream up for them to do - like Martha Stewart does. But then I'd have to work all the time and perhaps be a drill sergeant, and I'm not able to do either of those things.

This picture of a medieval castle and village remind me of something depicted in Tolkein's "The Lord of the Rings" or in C.S. Lewis' "Chronicles of Narnia". When I made the picture, I animated it with some cool pool-shadows and the windchime moving in a mystical breeze. Alas, I can't get the animation to work on this blogsite.

What are my delay tactics, you ask, since I gave this posting that title? Well, the delay tactic is that I'm teaching Sunday School tomorrow and I don't want to work on my lesson. I would like to just get up in front of the class and talk and stimulate them to grand thoughts and composite thoughts as a result, but I'm afraid that it's not possible to do that if you've only ingested fluff. And this week I feel like that is precisely what I've been mentally eating. "You can fool some of the people all of the time and all of the people some of the time, but you can't fool all of the people all of the time." said Abraham Lincoln. I'm sure after the first 5 minutes each person would know that my preparation time for the class was about 14 minutes.

We're going to look at the "rest passage" of Hebrews 4, and one would think that I've been practicing that passage literally. Although, I do think that the Lord is wanting me to learn to rely upon Him more and less upon my own need to have every I crossed and T dotted - or is it I dotted and T crossed?? Most of the time perfection eludes me and I'm always chasing it with a switch hoping to bring it under my dominion. The other day I wrote a quote by Michael J. Fox about perfection belonging to God and not to me. I can safely pursue excellence but perfection will never belong to me.

So - rest... The rest that I can have in knowing the Lord is in control. He knows how much chaos has been swirling around in this household this week while the grandkids are here. He knows every detail of my days and nights. He understands. I always take heart in the verse in Psalms that says that He gently leads the nursing ewes. Teaching this adult Sunday School class is rather like cramming for Final Exams. If I haven't been consistent during the term to study, then cramming in the last few hours won't do a bit of good. Well, I have been pretty consistent throughout my adult life to study and to read the Bible, so this week I am going to trust the Lord. I am going to rest in Him and in His greatness to teach the people and have faith that He will bring out of me riches, both old and new, to encourage and stimulate His beloved people to draw closer to Him. I've been praying throughout the week that He will have deposited into me what He wants to use as parables and teaching tools. I will read the passage again tonight. I will pray about what I'm reading. I will read a little in a commentary - and I'll call it adequate.

It truly is my desire that people would be drawn to Him. The goal is not to edify myself. So, this rest is about allowing Him to lead through His Holy Spirit. He will have to do be present to teach through me - and I know He will. He's a good Father!